Abundance Over Fear.
Why choose fear when you can choose abundance? Stop choosing fear. Choose abundance today.
For months I’ve been wanting to find my way back to a yoga class.
Yesterday, I got the overwhelming pull to take the first step and try and find a studio that had openings. I purchased a package at a studio I’ve been to before but once I got to the class selection portion, I realized that they were fully booked and had no class openings for weeks.
We have a YMCA membership, so I went on their new app to see if I could get into a regular class there, they were booked also. Frustrated, I put myself on a waiting list for a class today and crossed my fingers hoping to wake up to an email.
I woke up and I was still on the waitlist. So I resolved that I just would not be doing yoga today.
I went downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee and my 12-year-old daughter met me in the kitchen. “I thought you were finally getting back to yoga class this morning?” She questioned.
“I couldn’t find any classes.” I responded dryly.
“Mom there has to be a class.” She retorted.
Hearing both the confidence and judgment in her voice, I knew what I should I be doing.
I got on my laptop and I hit google hard. Researching, clicking, reading reviews. Then, there it was — a studio with amazing reviews, only 18 minutes from my house, and with and an opening at 9am.
I looked at the clock and went into go — mode. Zooming around the house, finding my yoga pants and flip flops, digging out my mat, and stuffing my purse with water bottles.
When I got there, I was nervous and excited. Excited that I was finally getting to do something that made me feel like myself again, but nervous because this was not a beginner class and I had not done yoga in over a year. My stomach was in knots. I sat in my car feeling a bit overwhelmed and the feeling that I should not have come began to creep in.
I got there in enough time to get a quick tour from the owner, who was warm and welcoming, and to briefly meet the teacher, who immediately greeted me from beneath her mask with a giant smile that radiated to her eyes and welcomed me to the studio.
The owner explained that although the Friday Hot Flow yoga class was usually pretty full, today it would only be the teacher and three students including me.
Whereas in the past that would have given me joy, because it means direct attention and instruction, today it made my heart sink because I knew I could not just blend into the background of the class.
The class was hard. There were moments that I had to stop and just sit in lotus. But I refused to leave the room. Breathing in-and-out, “You can do this. You can do this.”
I refused to leave the room.
When class was over, and I went to the dressing room to gather my things. The teacher, and the woman who’s mat had been next to mine both greeted me with affirmations.
In that moment, already feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I began to cry. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I was frustrated that even after losing 30lbs, I’m still overweight.
I was frustrated that I wasn’t as strong as I used to be.
I was frustrated that I struggled through the class.
And at the same time —
I was grateful the one class I found was small and encouraging.
I was grateful these two women, both strangers, had taken the time to share affirmations, and encourage me with their own experiences.
I was thankful I made it through the class without passing out.
I was thankful that my husband and my children had pushed me to do something for myself.
All these combined emotions came to the surface all at once, and almost in a flood, washed over me. I was able to release them, and then they were gone.
And there I was just in the moment, grateful to be in the moment.
After everyone left, I had the opportunity to talk with the owner for quite some time, and she reaffirmed the moment. Her words were exactly what I was thinking, “you were meant to be here today.”
She shared some of her experience during these unprecedented times and shared a bit of her personal yoga journey. She made me feel welcomed, feel seen, and feel encouraged.
I was so happy that I had chosen abundance over fear.
I write all this as a reminder to someone out there of these 5 things —
- It doesn’t have to be yoga, no matter what it is you are missing or you know you should be doing, take the step and just keep showing up. (Have you ever been too embarrassed of where you are to take the first step? If this is you right now, this is the sign you have been waiting on — take the step)
- Find community and normalcy wherever you can. Do not be hindered by ego.
- Be kind. Be light. Your light maybe rekindling someone else’s.
- Do things that make you feel like you — unapologetically.
- Just keep swimming.
I felt compelled to share this because the way things are set up right now, there are so many opportunities to feel isolated and to convince yourself you are the only one feeling and experiencing what you are feeling and experiencing. But the truth is we are dealing with our own version of hard and you are not alone! So do the thing. Take the step. Find your tribe. Whatever it is you need, just do me a favor and do not choose fear today. Let us choose abundance together.
Raquel Phillips is a writer, digital creator, CPT, certified group fitness instructor, and entrepreneur. She is a wife and mother of 6 amazing children. She resides in Virginia Beach, VA.
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